If we needed anymore proof that both a) drink makes you do stupid things and b) the Scots like a drink or three we could look at the news in Glasgow earlier today.
A 51-year old man has admitted to simulating sex in his hostel bedroom with his pushbike. He was caught riding (no punn intended) the cycle in a sexual simulation by cleaners at his hostel, where Robert Stewart had been living since October 2006.
The cleaners observed Mr Stewart wearing only a t-shirt (and presumably a smile) dry-humping his bike after he failed to respond to their calls at the door to clean the room.
The local sheriff has been quoted as saying “In almost four decades in the law I thought I had come across every perversion known to mankind, but this is a new one on me. I have never heard of a ‘cycle-sexualist’.”
The original excuse given was that Mr Stewart had been drinking and was a “misunderstanding”.
Personally, I have gotten into some seriously inebriated states in the past and even had one or two experiences that could be classed as drunken misunderstandings. However, I am yet to find a single friend, colleague, co-worker or seemingly any other human that has ended up after a night on the pop fancying a bit of back-wheel-rubber-action with my Raleigh.
On a plus note, I’m sure that if the news becomes a little more famous, we can look forward to plenty of lame jokes sent via your mobiles involving the words “Chopper”, “rubber” and “rear suspension system”…
We can only hope.